I woke up at 5:30 this morning and never went back to sleep. Instead, I just lied there. I noticed that Jay wasn’t in bed and looked to my left, where I saw the reflected dim glow of the laptop hitting the bedroom door, meaning Jay was in the living room and not asleep either. This isn’t unusual; he spends a lot of time online in the middle of the night.
I started stewing. What are we going to do if our house sells before one of us has a job in Chicago? Where are we going to live, in the meantime? I’m too old to move to a new city without a job; that’s something you do in your 20s. But do we put our stuff in storage and beg for mercy and spare bedrooms here among our friends, or rent a cheap apartment month-to-month? Or just tempt fate and go for it? When we get to Chicago, what about our cars? Sell both? Keep one? Who’s going to give Lucy her fluid treatments? My current vet’s going above and beyond the call of duty by not charging me to administer those. I suppose, if I had to, I could learn how to do it. But I’m not at all keen on sticking needles in my dog.
What if I get this gallery show in New York — I haven’t told you about this before, but there’s a growing chance that a gallery in SoHo wants my work in May or June. I think it’s a done deal, the gallery directors are just trying to decide if I get a solo show or join a group show. Don’t get my wrong, this would be the apex of my photography career, but it’s still causing angst. (How many photographs would they want? How much is it going to cost me to print/frame/ship them to New York? Two thousand? Three thousand? More? I’m already in more debt than I’ve ever been in my life.)
I know, these are minor things. They are nothing more than a few minor obstacles, of which there’s always a few to overcome before achieving a major goal. And I’m probably suffering from a slight disbelief, still (or fear of success?). After to many years of feeling “stuck,” I had convinced myself that I was going to die in Indiana, and a year ago the prospect of having a gallery show in New York was nothing but a pipe dream.
These are good things, even if they come with a lot of what-ifs and how-tos to work through. But it’s still going to wake me up at night.
#1 by Doug Peters on February 25, 2011 - 3:43 pm
The future.
Despite tea leaves, crystal balls, cards and hope… we just don't know.
What we do know is that you are a damn fine artist with an eye for not only capturing beauty but also the subtle undertones beyond the flesh.
The house sells, GREAT! It forces you to move more than just your change of address. It relocates you from stagnation. SOLD will force you both to more forward and capture your dreams.
Yes you will loose sleep, yes you will not have all the answers, but you will NOT BE ALONE.
You have a man at your side cheering you on as well as more friends than you realize that want you to succeed.
Take a deep breath. Hang the show in NY, start packing and never look back, except to see all of us cheering you BOTH on!!!
#2 by Marc on February 25, 2011 - 6:29 pm
I second Doug's emotion. Having a show in NYC is a good thing – a FABULOUS thing – and all the rest will work itself out somehow. You can't worry too much about the future – just take one day at a time (cue the TV theme song). We're all rooting for you, Scott, and cheering you on!
#3 by Brian M. on February 27, 2011 - 3:38 pm
I agree with the others. Keep looking forward and seeking out further happiness! And it is not hard to learn to do fluids for your dog. I learned how for the cats, rabbits, and even rats now.
#4 by Jess on February 27, 2011 - 9:51 pm
I can relate to the lost sleep, having faced a number of unstable times in my life. But better things come in the end. We find a way through, and we're happy we did. So, it's good for you and Jay to push on and find better things in life. You both deserve it!
Now, please keep us updated on the New York show. It's long past time for us to meet you guys in person! We're going to Europe in the last week of May and first week of June, but otherwise I think we'll be around!
I'm glad there are real signs of great things coming. You've worked a long time to make it big, and I want to see that happen!